Keeping Up With Jones - The Missourian: Union News on Astini News

I recently joined Twitter so I can send and receive tweets, which may or may not make a twit.

While I am not really sure why I joined, the only thing that is for certain is that I check the account all of the time.

I even installed an app on my phone so I can read what celebrities have to say about important things, including what they had for dinner, as long as they keep it under 144 characters.

I mostly follow comedians, just to keep my reading light, but I also follow a few baseball players, news sites and a handful of friends.

I started using the networking site just before Christmas, which is kind of ironic because on Christmas Day I began to "follow" several people and had several people follow me.

Those people I am following may or may not be false idols, so I am not sure where I stand with that commandment — and on the flip side, am I aiding and abetting mortal sins by having followers, or is that just semantics?

But for the most part, my followers should have nothing to worry about. First off, I have no intentions on leading them anywhere, and secondly, most of my followers aren't even people.

With Twitter, anyone can follow another person's tweets unless they are blocked. On almost a daily basis, I get a new follower, but those followers always attractive women (not as attractive as my girlfriend, of course) are fake and direct me to porn websites.

While I haven't clicked on the sites, it is pretty obvious that sites are porn from the "XXX" or "booty" in the site link.

I did consider clicking on one of the "booty" sites in hopes that I had a pirate following me, but common sense prevailed (for the first time ever) and I steered clear for fear of getting a (computer) virus.

Those followers don't seem to stick around long. My army of porn bots dwindles daily. I get a new follower every now and then, but they seem to be dropping me more than not, probably because I don't go to their "pool-sex" sites.

I have noticed that some people start to follow others just to get them to follow them. The initial follower then drops the followee after they begin being followed. Do you follow?

If I take any action more than reading others tweets, it most likely is a retweet of something hilarious, or newsworthy. I have had a couple original tweets, including my engagement announcement: "I didn't go to Jared but she still said 'yes' SheMightHaveSettled" and my famous: 'Santa is in St. Louis" that I tweeted while following St. Nick Dec. 25 the NORAD Santa Tracker. Neither of those were retweeted.

But for those who are unfamiliar with Twitter, let's dissect the first tweet — the statement "I didn't go to Jared but she still said 'yes' " is the actual tweet and it is followed by the (hash tag) "SheMightHaveSettled" which is the subject. There are never spaces in the subject, which can get very confusing.

I am pretty certain that the was chosen to begin each subject because it just isn't used enough on the keyboard. There are better choices, including an asterisk, but in order to get the most out of the computer keyboards, the fine people of Twitter thought it best to give that key more use. Maybe I should tweet about that.

I am not sure if I will use Twitter more often in the future or not, but if you would like to follow me, go ahead @jones_gregg YouMayBeMakingAMistake.

I would much rather have real people witness me make a fool of myself as I figure this stuff out than the dozens of porn sites that follow me now.